I have not been myself, I have no been happy nor have I been a very good friend or mother.
9 months ago I found Love everything was fabulous! I was so happy.
9 days ago it all ended.
It was something that nither of us wanted. It was something that had to happen.
He's a good guy, he really is. He did so much for my self esteem and confidence. For that I will always been thankful. (even if it has taken a beating the past few weeks.)
He just wasn't ready and I needed more.
Outside influences (more then one *they*) started to affect us badly they became too much to bear, the stress and pure fustration I had to go through because of said influences I will NEVER forget.
They straight out ruined what we had.
They acheived what they wanted. We reached a point where we had to let them win.
(karma will solve that problem eventually)
I don't understand why we couldn't just be left alone.
Bitter dosen't look good on anyone, we just wanted to be happy, letting us would have been the bigger thing to do, but no they just couldn't let it go, it was never going to be possible.
So here I am now, today.
Ready to spend the whole weekend alone
No children
No boyfriend
Just me.
People are telling me enjoy it, do things for you, it was only 9 months etc etc and I will a small part of me will.
But this first weekend is going to be the hardest. It may have only been 9 months but we were joining to lives together, we were creating a blended family, we were growing... together.
And...
I am still nursing the wounds.
I am still trying to understand.
I am still trying to heal my heart.
I havnt been alone in 9 months...
Just as I stepped into that relationship I was starting to find me again and was actually cherishing the weekends I had to myself.
Now I am starting from square one again.
So this weekend I plan to heal.
I plan to, sleep in, to cook, eat chinese takeaway, drink cider, do craft, project life, blog, create things for my boys, work, talk to my friends, enjoy the sunshine, get ontop of my laundry!, listen to music, watch movies and just be.
It will hurt, I will cry but only a little bit.
Once I am through this weekend everything will be easier.
Once I am through this weekend I have so many fun and positive things ahead of me the Royal Adelaide Show, Lil C's 2nd birthday, My birthday, A trip to Tassie to see my bestie, Moving house and Christmas!
Thats only the things I have planned there will be so many other things that just pop up.
I couldn't have gotten through the past few weeks withouth my friends and support from them. For that I am eternally grateful.
For now and into the future it's just me and my babies again...
Just us 3.
