Sunday, August 26, 2012

Windows of Happiness

All week I have thought about writing my Windows of happiness post for My Mummy Daze and her linky

Windows of Happiness

At the beginning of the week it was easy I had so much to be happy about.

Then rolled around thursday, there hasn't been much happiness around since then.

So this week even though my Window of Happiness may be slightly clouded in grey I can see the bright colours of flowers peeking through.

Daffodils, my favourite flower. I wish they were around a little longer then a few weeks. When they do hit the shops I buy them every week.

This week they have helped brighten my dining room and bedroom and smelt amazing.

Daffodils with orange and yellow
Jonquills - close enough to being a daffodil lol
Yellow ones.
Hopefully next week my Window will be a little clearer and happier.
 Only I can control wether it is or not so fingers are crossed I can get my thinking to change it's direction a little.

What's been making you happy this week?

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Sunday, August 19, 2012

Windows of Happiness ~ Park fun

The gorgeous Fi is back from the stunning New York and back with her linky...

Windows of Happiness

This week I've really needed to focus on the happiness that surronds me every day and It hasn't been easy.

One of my standouts this week was taking the boys to the park.

I love the joy in their faces

So simple yet we had such a fabulous time there.
Master J is so independent and full of "look at me mum" and Lil C loves doing his own thing in his own time with a splash of I want to do what my big brother is doing.

So happy

The boys have reached the age where I can sit for alot of their time at the park and just observe.
They love checking that I'm still watching and of course when I push them on the swing.

Little and Big

The park has become a win win situation for all of us.
I get to sit and watch them learning and playing, interacting when they want me or need me.
And they get to play independently and not with mummy hovering around throwing off their groove ;)

With spring only days away and summer on the horizon we are all looking forward to getting out and about so much more, with park dates, picnics at the beach and fun filled days at the pool enjoying the fresh air and sunshine.

What happiness did you find in your week? Link with my Fi over at My Mummy Daze

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Saturday, August 4, 2012

The guilt & open ended answers...

When kissing master J goodnight before i go to bed the guilt from the day washes over me.

Tears brim to my eyes.

I always promise myself i'll do better tomorrow,
I wont yell as much tomorrow,
I wont be as stressed tomorrow...

It never happens...

The next day is the same...
And that night is the same.

I am on a vicious circle & dont know how to get off

The only thing that stands out is...
I love those boys more then anything.

Through all the yelling & the "naughtiness"
through every bad day.

My love for them never stops.

They say you only have to get this parenting thing right about 30% of the time and your kids will grow up just fine.

But what if I'm not getting it right that much... What if I'm getting it wrong so much more then I already am.

Living with a child who has "special needs" (speech/language delay, behavioual issues & sensory processing issues... so far) is challenging & exhausting.

At the momment we have no solid answers only open ended ones.
None of them make sense, none of them show a clear indication as to what may be causing all of this.
Wether there is something going on at all... maybe this is just who Master J is?

I am in limbo, trying to do what we've already learnt, trying new things we see or hear trying to make it through each day without completely losing my cool.

Nothing works completely
What works one day dosen't the next

There is something missing.
We are missing a piece to the puzzle that will help our boy cope that will help us all cope that will help him become the happy little boy I know is still inside.

So round & round we go on this ugly circle.
Tears & screaming & meltdowns both mine & his.
All while trying to appear normal & not draw attention to ourselves.

Guess that's the key right there... We aren't a normal family.

So we wait some more & hope that at his peadiatrics appointment this month we start to get some final answers.
We need them we all do, we need to know what to do next...

The book is open & I'm waiting to the turn page to find the next chapter...
I hope it's there.