The Birthday party circuit ~ It's cut throat!

It's no secret I lost friends over the split and that's cool

It gave me perspective and energy to nurture the friendships I still have.

What I didn't realise, was that to some I would still be classed as a "friend" but only very rarely...

A fb comment or like here a text message there.

The thing that hurts is the physical friendship was lost.

The catch ups and most recently the birthday parties.

My boys were not invited to a few parties and even with no explanation (which would have been nice)

I understand why

you know the whole mutual friend thing who I am no longer friends with etc etc

Well I can only hope that's what the reason was... maybe they just don't like me or my boys anymore?

But all I can think is did these people think that low of that they thought I could'nt co-exist in the same breathing space as another?

I'm not upset that I was forgotten but more so my boys

They are being punished for something that has absolutly nothing to do with them

And we all know what a mother is like when her children are hurt wether they know they've been hurt or not.

All I want for my kids is to be included I don't want them to go through the same pain I have

I don't want them to feel that they aren't good enough.

With master J already being vastly differnt to alot of other kids I am already on an uphill battle,

I thought we had maybe found a place where he was understood and would be accepted always regardless of any indifferences.

Turns out we weren't.

I completely understand when my boys reach school age they won't be invited to every party

Gosh I wouldn't want that anyway

But when you think you are apart of a group where your kids are included and their kids are included regardless of who you do and don't get along with

It is quite an eye opener when they show how they really must feel.

Sadly it all seems to be behind my back.

Yes they are still being nice to my face or should I say my FB profile and my iPhone.

They may or may not read this I'm not too fussed

The only thing I want to say if they do read this is I am not bitching I am not seeing red angry

I am venting.

I am hurt.

Because my boys were hurt

Yeah ok they won't ever know as they are too young

but I know and I won't ever forget the pain that I feel for them.

And maybe I should have said something to them personally... but why? when clearly there is nothing left in these friendships to salvage.

Luckily for my special little man J he has made some little friends at daycare and kindy as well as some of my other friends and his 4th birthday will be a small but fun party for him regardless of others.

As for Lil C?

well his 2nd birthday will be a much smaller affair but thats ok we'll make it extra special.

 

Who knew the birthday party circuit could be so nasty!

Have you ever experienced something like this? How would you handle this? or How did you handle it?

A helping 3 year old hand

If you've followed me long enough you will remember I've had a little more trouble then usual 

with Master J

since his dad and I split up

It was never going to be easy but add his developmental delay to it and we were going to have to work extra hard to help him understand & control the emotions he would be feeling too.

As the weeks go by it seem we start to manage one problem and then another starts

behaviour, not eating, lashing out

The days were getting long and tiring and very emotional for both of us

But after speaking with his speech & behavioural therapists
Nathalie of Easy Peasy Kids

and some of my gorgeous friends

I am feeling alot clearer on how to handle his behaviour.

At the momment Master J is all about attention

He will sit for hours if I let him just constantly repeating "mum mum mum mum mum"

Apart from it driving me absolutly crazy! Its not productive for ither of us

The other thing that I have noticed is his increase in appetitie and thirst

All day and I'm not even kidding when I say ALL day

He is asking for food or a drink

I could make all the healthiest homemade food in the world & he would still be asking for more

This is a work in progress too!

So I have decided to involve him more in our every day mundane activities

Which, if you know me personally is HUGE for me

Its not that I dont want the help its just that I find it easier to do it myself.

But of course for the sake of my boy I have let go a little

I've already started letting him help with the preparation of dinner and snacks

This afternoon he helped me fill up all their drink bottles

I'm getting him to help me with Lil C at bath time

and packing nappy bags and bags for when we go out

So far in a few days with just these few simple tasks, things seem to be starting to get better

The more he helps the calmer and more responsive he is starting to become

Next on the to do list

Is letters from daddy as he loves to check the letterbox for "letters"

(idea from Easy Peasy Kids)

the countdown to when he sees his dad next, he's a real daddys boy

and happy and sad faces to help him understand mine & his own feelings

(idea was from Easy Peasy Kids)

We are still on that very long road ahead 

But I am feeling much more confident and Its helping me learn alot too

Its helping me to let go and live in the momment more

Which can only benefit all 3 of us in the end

I love my boys more then anything, and despite my own quirks and personality traits

I will do whatever it takes to help them

Mess and scraps in dinner included

Thats just what us mummys do!

What little tasks around the house do you let your kiddies help with?

The breakup + developmental delay = tough times

Master J has not been coping with the split very well at all.

I mean I didnt expect him too this time he is older and understands more.

But I didnt expect it to be this hard to deal with ither.

Every time he speaks to Mr S he asks him to come home because he misses him
He constantly asks for his daddy
Everything he sees throughout the day has something to do with daddy

It breaks my heart that my boy is hurting

I want to fix it but I know I cant.

I dont regret making the decison to live our lives like this
Its something that had to be done for all of us
I just wish it wasn't so hard on my boy

Luckily his team of therapists are amazing

They are helping us with startergies to help him cope

We need to get him into a routine with visatation and "family" situations

having him know what to expect

is going to make the times in between him seeing his dad that little more bearable

We need to keep talking to him

explain to him very simply that mummy & daddy can't live with each other

but that we still love him and his brother

We need to let him vent safely and cry and scream
I know some days I feel like that
I cant even imagine not being able to express those thoughts and feelings.

We are also implementing a calendar and clock for him
which Im really excitited about and will share once compelete
Im hoping it will help him grasp time a little easier
and it might help him cope with the time in between seeing his dad

In all honesty we have a huge road ahead of us
Its not going to be easy but the days will start to become better
I will do anything in my power to make this easier on my boys
and they will always know this wasn't their fault and that we both love them very much
I will never bad mouth their father to them

and I will encourage their relationship

I think if Mr S & I can stick to this way of thinking

The boys will be able to cope with this alot easier

and the future will be bright for all of us.

So far so good on all accounts and I couldnt be happier!

Children, Delays & All Shades of Grey

My Blue eyed Boofa, My first born blue, My Joshua

To look at him you see a smily, clever little man who looks older then he is.

You see parents who love him and a little brother who adores him.

Joshua now at almost 3

But there is the side to Master J that people dont really see and dont understand.

A side that people judge, a side that they blame on bad behaviour or bad parenting.

None of which is the case.

That side is his developmental delay.

Joshua dosent talk very well.

He hasnt since he could start talking.

At his 18 month check up the only words he could say

were

"Mum"

"Dad"

"Bub"

Joshua at 19 months

I thought nothing of it really, I knew he wasn't speaking the same as other 18 month olds

But i had been told over and over and over again kids do things in there own time.

So to me this was no differnt

to him sitting up & rolling over at 6 months instead of before

or

getting his first tooth and crawling at 9 months.

He was also behaving quite badly.

He would throw things, hit people and even bite them.

All of which, as a mother absolutly devastated me.

I was embarrassed to say the least but also started blaming my parenting.

All i kept asking myself was

"why is he behaving so badly, what have i done wrong?"

and all the answers i would get were

"its just the age he's at, you need to be stricter"

At his appointment they weren't "worried" as such

but thought it was best to get him checked out by a speech and beahvioural therapist.

In the mean time we were to just keep talking & reading to him if we could

(master J dosent sit still for long so reading was hard)

We got into the Speech sessions and the results for me were a relief and a realisation...

Joshua had a speech delay.

This means basically he didnt have enough words to get him through the day.

ie. Bikkie, Drink etc

Enough words to communicate how he was feeling or what he wanted.

This then turns to fustration for him.

I was also told he was a very sensitive little man

I was shocked 'Sensitive' was not the word i would have used to describe him at all.

It would seem Josh picks up on surrounding emotions quite easily and reacts quite strongly to them.

They also said he couldn't control his own emotions.

That his emotions were like a volcano.

As he experienced them they grew and grew and grew until they finally bubbled over.

Which is when he would throw something or hit someone.

Apparantly this is a very odd combination, so it was going to take some hard work.

All of which i was completely prepared to do, anything to help my beautiful boy.

I myself felt relief to an extent i finally had some sort of explanation for what we were living every day.

I finally felt like this wasn't all my fault.

We started speech therapy as soon as we could get in.

and it worked wonders!!

Joshuas speech was coming along in leaps and bounds.

It felt like every week he was learning 1 or 2 new words.

His behaviour was improving slightly the more he learnt.

It however didn't stop alot of the judgment i still experienced.

People would tut if he had a tantrum at the shops, people would glare if he hurt their child.

I just wanted to scream he's not doing it on purpose!

He simply dosent UNDERSTAND!

I would cry at night still hating that people didnt understand, that it wasnt just a case of

"he'll do it in his own time" or "you can't control him"

It was a case of we need to help him because he's having trouble.

Joshua at about 2

Joshua is now turning 3 in June

he is a loving little boy who is FULL of energy

I mean full!

he is non stop from the momment his eyes open in the morning to the momment they close at night.

Somedays are extremly hard and somedays it would be nice to not be on the go all day.

playing planes Easter 2011

Living every day with a child with a delay is not an easy task

Every day is a constant battle of words and tears, sometimes his tears sometimes mine

Everyday we have to name everything he is doing or what he may be feeling, we name colours and sounds and smells.

I have to explain to him as simply as I can how I am feeling, trying to teach him cause and effect.

If he speaks a cluster of words i have to repeat it back to him or add another word or two trying to teach him more words, bigger sentences.

I have to try and decipher what it is he wants because somedays he just can't tell me, all he can do is grunt or whinge or point.

Honestly it breaks my heart him trying so hard to get the words to tell me and they just aren't there.

It is all just a work in progress, everyday he is learning something new to help him for next time.

I could not be prouder of the progress he has made, he says things that are just plain funny and he says things we still dont quite understand.

We are lucky that he will more then likely be starting Kindy early aswell because of his delay

which i think will be very beneficial for all of us.

I know in my heart one day he will talk & talk & talk

and we will look back on this and go

WOW look how far we've come.

Joshua now at almost 3

I wrote this to hopefully help you understand that some kids are differnt.

That some kids need a little push with development

but most of all

That you don't know if that child has a developmental delay, or Autism or Aspergurers

 that there may be more to that tantrum you see at the doctors surgery, or that child pushing your child.

that children are not black & white, they are all shades of grey.

and

That those shades of grey are really the colour of a Rainbow