A weekend... Just me...

If you are on my personal facebook page or follow me on Instagram you would know things havn't been good the past 3 weeks.

I have not been myself, I have no been happy nor have I been a very good friend or mother.

9 months ago I found Love everything was fabulous! I was so happy.

9 days ago it all ended.

It was something that nither of us wanted. It was something that had to happen.

He's a good guy, he really is. He did so much for my self esteem and confidence. For that I will always been thankful. (even if it has taken a beating the past few weeks.)

He just wasn't ready and I needed more.

Outside influences (more then one *they*) started to affect us badly they became too much to bear, the stress and pure fustration I had to go through because of said influences I will NEVER forget.

They straight out ruined what we had.

They acheived what they wanted. We reached a point where we had to let them win.
(karma will solve that problem eventually)

I don't understand why we couldn't just be left alone.

Bitter dosen't look good on anyone, we just wanted to be happy, letting us would have been the bigger thing to do, but no they just couldn't let it go, it was never going to be possible.


So here I am now, today.

Ready to spend the whole weekend alone
No children
No boyfriend
Just me.

People are telling me enjoy it, do things for you, it was only 9 months etc etc and I will a small part of me will.
But this first weekend is going to be the hardest. It may have only been 9 months but we were joining to lives together, we were creating a blended family, we were growing... together.

And...
I am still nursing the wounds.
I am still trying to understand.
I am still trying to heal my heart.


I havnt been alone in 9 months...

Just as I stepped into that relationship I was starting to find me again and was actually cherishing the weekends I had to myself.

Now I am starting from square one again.

So this weekend I plan to heal.

I plan to, sleep in, to cook, eat chinese takeaway, drink cider, do craft, project life, blog, create things for my boys, work, talk to my friends, enjoy the sunshine, get ontop of my laundry!, listen to music, watch movies and just be.

It will hurt, I will cry but only a little bit.

Once I am through this weekend everything will be easier.

Once I am through this weekend I have so many fun and positive things ahead of me the Royal Adelaide Show, Lil C's 2nd birthday, My birthday, A trip to Tassie to see my bestie, Moving house and Christmas!
Thats only the things I have planned there will be so many other things that just pop up.

I couldn't have gotten through the past few weeks withouth my friends and support from them. For that I am eternally grateful.

For now and into the future it's just me and my babies again...

Just us 3.

 

Our Adventure to the Farmers Market

On Sunday I decided to take my boys to the Adelaide Showgrounds Farmers Market
It was our first time going since it had become as big as it is, I went once before and loved it but it was quite small and then life just got in the way... as it does.

Master J has taken quite the interest in cooking lately, something I am over the moon and about, I feel so happy that he is starting to love it like I do.
So i thought this would be just another step for him in his small boy cooking adventure!
Because it was quite busy and they didn't have doughnuts (typical 3yo) and I was a little stressed because I hadn't got there as early as I would have liked he wasn't overly thrilled but he did enjoy finding the vegies for me just like we do in the supermarket.

waiting in line to pay for some of our vegies

The atmosephere was great the place was buzzing with chatter and bargaining and I loved the variety of fresh fruits, vegetables and flowers we could choose from, and it was so cheap!

After we had done the rounds on the fruits vegies and flowers, it was time to head into the shed and have a look at all the stalls in there.

They had bread and deli meats, olives and honey it was a little overwhelming as it was quite busy inside.

BUT I did wait in line for these gorgeous little treats! They are sooooo good!

Macaroons by From Scratch Patisserie

As we left I was excitied to use our vegies that night for our roast dinner and for the rest of the week.

our day at the market

I was not disappointed everything was so tasty and fresh.
The carrotts were sweet and fresh smelling and the broccoli smelt of the earth it was a wonderful smell. It's a smell I have smelt before when I worked in the Central Markets with my family but something my boys hadn't and Master J was amazed.

Tonight we are making Pastie Pie and we are using all the vegies we got at the market.
Both the boys will eat this without fail and they don't pick the vegies out even thought they are chopped quite big whihc is huge for Master J as he is my fussiest eater.

Our big bowl of vegies before they are cooked

Even better yet Master J couldn't wait to get in to the kitchen and watch me and help doing his favourite thing when we cook... Stirring.

"I stir mummy"

We will definetly be back to the market in a fortnight for another adventure and hopefully take it a little slower and soak up the atmosphere a little bit more and enjoy a hot chocolate too.

Do you go to any local farmers markets where you live? What's your favourite part of them?

All that I have... from the floor up!

Last night I was having an emo momment... As you do.

I was sitting on the floor in the corner of my lounge room
(only because that's where my iPhone was charging)
and I started thinking about stuff... Then I zoned out & looked up.
Not right up to the roof but above eye level.
And it hit me
I came crashing into the momment
(it was quite surreal)
Look at what I have... Look how far I've come.
Right in front of me was my couch.
Not any old couch, not someone elses couch, I was looking at MY couch in MY home.
My couch because I'm not a kid looking in & dreaming of one day having a home and a couch.
My couch because I am that kid all grown up into an adult and adults have couches.
These 4 walls, all be it aren't mine but they hold everything I do own.

I have created a life and a home for myself and my boys within these bricks & mortar and it's all ours.
The toys, the bookcase, the beds, our clothes it's all ours.
I had such an overwhelming sense of pride & accomplishment that I shed a few tears.
We are so so lucky!

We dont have fancy stuff but what we have is amazing & it works.
I love the space I am creating more & more every day.
It really is the small things, the cushions on the couch, the pictures on the walls, the decorating.
All these things make our home comfy and cosy all these things make our house a home.
And of course the thing that makes our home absolutly complete Is the fact the 3 of us are all here together.
Not only do these 4 walls hold our materialistic things, they hold our irreplaceable things, they hold us, they hold our love, they hold our tears & hold our memories.

And all of this came from sitting on the floor over in the corner looking at life from a different perspective.
I think I'll start sitting on the floor some more it's such an amazingly beautiful view.

So you probably all think I'm crazy ;) but honestly...
Do it. Go on. Go sit on the floor in the corner. Look up. What do you see?

P.s my laptop has the lurgi ;) so some of my posts will be done on my iPad unless the boyfriend has leant me his laptop (he's pretty awesome like that) so they will look a little different.

Our list of Goals, aims and things to do and acheive in 2012 :)

On new years eve 2011 I sat down once the boys were in bed and started writing.

I had printed off the 2012 goals printable from the gorgeous Bianca of a little delightful

and it was the perfect time to figure out what I wanted to do in 2012.

2012 is our fresh start its all about creating NEW memories.

I havn't made resolutions as such I've just written a list of things I would like to do better and more of

Things that will help me connect with the boys better

Projects I want to comeplete

Steps to make me a better mumma and look after me better

I guess you could say Its just a mish mash of a lot of things.

I wont blog them all as there is quite a few and a bit of detail but I would love to share some of them.

* Continue de-cluttering and try and actually stay on top of it

My main areas I need to be focusing on are

- the master bedroom

- the dining room particularly my craft area

and

- the boys baby clothes and things.
I am also participating in the 52 weeks to simplify your life challenge by the gorgeous Deb over at Home Life Simplified

*Create a Command centre.
Inspired by Tina Gray {dot} me command centre & Five Little Reasons school launch pad

As we are only renting at the momment I am hoping to make a portable version of a command centre and already have some ideas swirling around in my head.
I need a central place to keep everything thats important especially when Master J starts kindy in February.

* Cook and create/craft more

- I want to start cooking more from scratch

- organise my recipes better

- cook healthier snacks more often

- grow our own vegetable garden

which will end up being a container one so we can take it with us when we move.

- scrapbook more and maybe even get some project life happening

- finish projects I havn't started

- actually do more projects that I've pinned on Pinterest

*Put even more time into the boys

I will admit I dont do enough of the small things with them

- turn the TV off more and spend more time just being with them on their level

- find more one on one time with - more cuddles and less saying "in a minute"

- read to them most nights

*Put more time into me

I firmly believe a happy mummy equals happy children

I have always put my boys first and always will but there are somethings that I need to do for me and find the time to put me first without putting them 2nd

- find a little bit of time for the things I enojy

ie reading, crafting, blogging and scrapbooking

- find more time to exercise

- look after my skin better

I am totally guilty of not drinking enough water and not taking my makeup off at night

2 of my biggest personal hurdles and things I hope to at the very least work on and make some progress on are

- my body confidence

and

- learn to love myself inside, to trust I am good enough.

this one will help me all round to be a better mother and a better girlfriend

*Put more time into "us"

these goals are for the 3 of us as a family

- more family outings, the beach, the park and walks/rides.

- eat at the table and the outside table more

-more craft and cooking together

-start our memory jar

*Continue blogging

I want to continue to blog but I find I put myself under so much pressure trying to find something to write and finding a good "network" system that I'm really going to try and relax a little more.

- blog with less pressure

- restart my Diamonds in the rough posts

about finding the good in each day and maybe even turn it into a linky - we'll see how confident I become on that one ;)

*Continually nurture my new relationship

Alot of the points I had written down will help this along but I have already decided to not let things get "comfortable" I want to keep an element of the spark & excitiment we have now alight for years to come.

- keep talking especially for me and my insecurites

he has been amazing thus far and I know will continue to help me every day

- Dont let the one on one time lapse

on the weekends the boys are with their dad.

- Try and have fun dates or date "nights"

- Continue being understanding

- Just let the universe guide us into what it has planned for us with no pressures or rushing things

we both need to just enjoy this time and the foundations we are building.

So these are just bits and pieces of things I would like to achieve, create and happen in 2012

They will obviously change thoughout the year as things happen and of course I will always be adding as new things come along and as 2 lives merge but overall 2012 is going to be a fabulous year.

Its full of new things, excitiment and so much hope.

and I'm feeling focused and refreshed, ready to tackle it one step at a time.

All I can say is....bring it on and let the writing begin!

What kind of goals have you set or what things do you hope to acheive in 2012 for you, your family and your children?

Making life that little bit smoother

Becoming a single mother ultimately meant I was doing the parenting for 2

Mentally is something I could handle but the physical side, meaning looking after them everyday

was going to be something I struggled with

With Master J having a developmental delay things were tough already, even with Mr S here

but at least I had an extra pair of hands

well most of the time but we will leave that blog post for my draft folder ;)

So how was I going to get through each day without completely losing the plot and ending up with a sparkly brand new white jacket and a padded cell to call my very own?

The answer for me was to be organised and prepared!

For some thats easier said then done

For me it comes quite naturally, I'm an organiser majoirty of the time

but trust me, just like most people I can get overwhelmed even when organsied!

So here a few things I do that help me get through each day that little bit more stress free
and of course they could be applied to all kinds of families!!

* Get pyjamas and nappys/jocks ready during the day
I try and do this one early in the morning and pop them into our
Pj Station
As both the boys bath together and get out together I find this helps in the fact im not searching for a matchin pjg top and bottom at the same time as I have 2 slippery towel wearing monsters running around ;)

"Raaahhhhh"

* Lay out clothes the night before

I always try and have the boys clothes, nappys/jocks, socks and shoes all ready to go for after breakfast

I check the weather the night before and then collect the clothes they need just before I tuck them into bed

* Pack daycare bags, nappy bags and handbags the night before

This is another sanity saver for me it saves rushing around in the morning trying to pack bags and not forget anything

Obviously don't pack bottles of milk or anything you want kept cold but there's no reason you cant have all that waiting in the fridge with a post it note stuck to the bags reminding you to pack it.

* Lay out breakfast dishes

This is another one that works well being done the night before

Just getting bowls, plates and spoons out ready can save some time and create less chaos, especially if you know you are going to be strapped for time.

* Meal Plan

I orginally started meal planning to save money and to avoid that 4pm~ish question

"what should we have for dinner tonight"

These days its also to help work arond the boys mainly their daycare days which are also the days I work and to try and build my freezer meals.

Through meal planning I know what we will be having during the week and on our busiest days I can prep the night before to make that night alot smoother.

Using my slow cooker is also a godsend! and there is always lots of leftovers to freeze.

* Start dinner preparation/cooking early
I find that about 3 o'clock is when it suits myself and the boys for me to begin getting dinner ready
It could simply mean cutting vegies ready or cooking a pie filling so it has time to cool.
It just means by 4/4:30ish I'm ready to start cooking for dinner to be served at 5pm
and by starting this early it allows time for distraction!
ie an upset toddler or toilet needing 3yo
which means I;ve still got plenty of time to get dinner sorted
and I dont end up stressed and frazzled at 5pm.

* Try and do at least 1 load of washing every day

This is another one that works quite well for me and the boys, for some reason I seem to have 1 decent sized load for 3 or 4 days straight and then I'm able to rest for 2 days or so while it builds up again

So doing one load a day helps lighten the work load and helps it dry quicker too!

As for the folding? well lets not go there ;)\

* Tidy & clean at night
Having kids running around all day and trying to clean is like trying to shovel snow in a blizzard
So even though I'll potter around the house during the day doing small bits and pieces I find if I do the bulk of my cleaning once the boys are in bed I can knock it over quite quickly.
The best thing i find it to not sit down especially if I'm feeling motivated.

..........................................................
As you can see alot of these are done of a night time or afternoon and for me it works.
I still get time to put my feet up at the end of the day too because without little hands trying to help it gets done quicker.
For you it might work better early in the morning ither way all of these are dependent on you, your family and your situation, because I am by no means a parenting/housewife expert.
All these ideas are as you would say
"tried and tested"
and work for me.
All you can do is try things and see if they work for you.

Do you have any helpful time or stress cutting stratergies you use?

Its been awhile

Since I've felt the desire to blog

Since I've had some of my copius amounts of motivation

Both of which seem to have come back.. somewhat

Life hasn't been easy the past 3-4 months

We've had a huge life change and both myself and the kids have had a hard time adjusting

I am well on my way to the other side as are the boys

But things got tough again so I opted out of the blog-osphere and prioritised

Best decison I have ever made!

I wont lie Mr S and I have had some mega fights recently mainly over visitation

It got to the point where he had me in tears with things that have nothing to do with him anymore

Its been horrible

I think, well hope really that finally we have reached a happy medium.

Other then that things are fabulous!

I am enjoying being a single mumma its hard work but the days are getting easier and happier

I am finding keeping us all busy works, even if its for only half a day!

I am still enjoying being at work, I'm still finding time to get my nails done and cook

Im still orgainisng and meal planning

I've found time to do more craft, oh and the Christmas Craft woohoo

I've even found time to read my books or a magazine or watch a DVD

The only way I've been able to do this is to prioritise, organise and not sit down of a night time

until im done.. it works for me :)

Lil C is finally walking non-stop now not just a few toddles here and there 

so Master J is having a ball having a little play friend

although they are quite differnt so there are plenty of fights!

His talking is coming along alot quicker then master Js was at the same age which is one less stress off my shoulders for the time being at least

He's still ym smiley little owlet and he is defiantly a mummas boy, we are very alike.

Master J is still coming in huge leaps with this speech and toilet training... most days without alot of fuss

He's excitied for Christmas this year, he still dosent fully understand but the look on his face when he saw the decorations was amazing

But not as good as his reaction at the Christmas pageant the other weekend.

Yes I was crazy enough and a Christmas freak enough to brave the pageant alone, with 2 kids on a hot day

It was a total success though.. just saying ;)

Both of the boys areLOVING being outside especially in the pool and under the play castle sprinkler

which is working perfectly for me as they entertain each other and I can sit and watch or potter around inside, close by.

I guess you could say things are going great

I have turned a corner (a blog post will come about that) and despite any other drama things are looking up!

Which leads me to the slight change in my bloggy direction

After seeing a post and some of the comments on the fabulous Nathalies FB page

 Easy Peasy Kids

about not enough blogs out there that dont fit the stereotypical mould of "ideal/perfect family"

I have decided to focus a little more on showing you how I cope being a single mother

Im not 100% sure how it will work out, what I might even right about 

but Its a challenge I want to take.

In saying that if theres anything you want to see me write about,

or how I cope with certain things just let me know and I'll try my best to explain

you can ither leave it in the comments section or e-mail me at

taramuller@hotmail.com

Along with this new focus there will be a slight change on meal planning day, lots more craft, definatly some Christmas posts and of course some link ups and every day rambles.

So stay tuned...

On that note, before I burn your eyes with any more ramble I shall leave this post at that!

It feels good to be semi-back.. again.. for like the 3rd time

But as they say 3rd times a charm.

Just not this morning, we are going out!

My boys slept in today *high 5*

and when we finally all woke up I woke up feeling tired

which is pretty normal for me at the momment work seems to be taking alot of me

At the end of the days I am exhausted and just want to go to bed I have no time for anything else.

So as I lay in bed with the babes I checked facebook on my iPhone

as I normally do

and I ended up feeling

overwhelmed...

all I saw were the constant reminders of all the things I have to do and how little time I have

or my biggest problem how much motivation I'm lacking.

I decided then & there that I would get to everything I had to-do

Ither today, tonight, tomrrow, this week

Just not this morning

Alot happened in bloggy land last night and I missed it all

Now I feel out of the loop with no time to sit and catch up

It was bad enough I felt I had no time for blogging or even any worth while content

but now I feel completely lost, this was the straw that broke my overwhelmed back

BUT...

I will catch up eventuall & share my bloggy love for all my favs ~ just not this morning

I will unpack my groceries from yesterday, (because seeing my friends was more important) ~ just not this morning

I will wash, hang & fold the clothes ~ just not this morning

I will finish my exrtemely patient friends wooden letters ~ just not this morning

I will finish my beautiful friends wipes case for her darling new neice ~ just not this morning

I will finish the preparation for the Little Monsters Market which is in a few weeks ~ just not this morning

I will load and put the dishwasher on (becaue a clean kitchen makes me extremely calm & happy) ~ just not this morning

I will really sit down & deal with the feelings and emotions I have for you ~ just not this morning

I will honour all my commitments, promises and everything in between ~ just not this morning

Because this morning I am packing my babes in the car with bikes & prams in tow

and going for a walk/ride down the beach to the playground

where we will have hot chippies for lunch,

enjoy the fresh air, enjoy the sunshine

and

Live in the momment

Its time for me to disconnect for a few hours and come back feeling refreshed because

It will all be here when I get back.

How do you handle feeling overwhelemed? do you disconnect like I do, Just keep on going or have a differnt way of handling things?



A helping 3 year old hand

If you've followed me long enough you will remember I've had a little more trouble then usual 

with Master J

since his dad and I split up

It was never going to be easy but add his developmental delay to it and we were going to have to work extra hard to help him understand & control the emotions he would be feeling too.

As the weeks go by it seem we start to manage one problem and then another starts

behaviour, not eating, lashing out

The days were getting long and tiring and very emotional for both of us

But after speaking with his speech & behavioural therapists
Nathalie of Easy Peasy Kids

and some of my gorgeous friends

I am feeling alot clearer on how to handle his behaviour.

At the momment Master J is all about attention

He will sit for hours if I let him just constantly repeating "mum mum mum mum mum"

Apart from it driving me absolutly crazy! Its not productive for ither of us

The other thing that I have noticed is his increase in appetitie and thirst

All day and I'm not even kidding when I say ALL day

He is asking for food or a drink

I could make all the healthiest homemade food in the world & he would still be asking for more

This is a work in progress too!

So I have decided to involve him more in our every day mundane activities

Which, if you know me personally is HUGE for me

Its not that I dont want the help its just that I find it easier to do it myself.

But of course for the sake of my boy I have let go a little

I've already started letting him help with the preparation of dinner and snacks

This afternoon he helped me fill up all their drink bottles

I'm getting him to help me with Lil C at bath time

and packing nappy bags and bags for when we go out

So far in a few days with just these few simple tasks, things seem to be starting to get better

The more he helps the calmer and more responsive he is starting to become

Next on the to do list

Is letters from daddy as he loves to check the letterbox for "letters"

(idea from Easy Peasy Kids)

the countdown to when he sees his dad next, he's a real daddys boy

and happy and sad faces to help him understand mine & his own feelings

(idea was from Easy Peasy Kids)

We are still on that very long road ahead 

But I am feeling much more confident and Its helping me learn alot too

Its helping me to let go and live in the momment more

Which can only benefit all 3 of us in the end

I love my boys more then anything, and despite my own quirks and personality traits

I will do whatever it takes to help them

Mess and scraps in dinner included

Thats just what us mummys do!

What little tasks around the house do you let your kiddies help with?

A day out ~ across a bridge and up an Island

My Aunty & cousins from Melbourne has been visiting our family here for the past week

So I was excitied that they were heading to Victor Harbour yesterday before they left today

It was set to be a good day out of the house with family 

& to take the boys somewhere they havn't been yet

My other aunty gave me and hour to get me, the boys dressed and fed, bags packed and to fill the car up with petrol before they would meet at my house and we would road trip it down together

All I can say is

gee thanks mouse!

But I did it with a few mintues to spare

woohoo

We wandered the streets a little grabbed some hot chippies for lunch had a play at an awesome park there

and decided to walk across to Granite Island

Master J had a ball walking across the bridge

Mummy was scared out of her wits every time he stopped to look over the edge into the water for the "fishies"

Trust me it was too cold for me to be jumping in after him ;)

I ended up telling him that the fishies were in bed asleep becuase it was too cold

Surprisingly that worked!

Once we got to the other side some of the big kids decided to do the full walk across the island
While me and my aunty mouse, my 2 boys and 1 big kid decided to haul arse UP the island to the other side

Master J at the top of the hill

Lil C enjoying being chauffer driven up the hill

My gosh I dont reccommend pushing a pram up that damn hill
But at least I worked off lunch!

Once we got to the other side it was gorgeous
Cold but the scene was beautiful

Master J climbed some rocks and explored nature oh and also just had to throw his 2 fist fulls of rocks into the ocean

checking out the view

exploring

watching J explore

throwing his rocks

We met the rest of the kids at the cafe and had a hot choccie and juice

and headed back to the "mainland"

Where we stopped at the little carnival they have set up there

I sent master J onto the bouncy castle with his Cousin and her friend

and he loved it!

We had a great day

lots of laughs and the boys were so well behaved

we even got some amazing photos on some pretty fancy cameras

which I cant wait to see and print out

The drive home was long but it was very quiet in the backseat

which was a nice change from the drive there

which was filled with chatter and blowing raspberries

It was refreshing to get myself and the munchkins out into the fresh air

and I am looking forward to finding more stuff to do with them

creating beautiful childhood memories with and for them

I've just gotta find more inspiration

but

I feel like I've found my mummy mojo again

I think tomorrow we might go have breakfast somewhere

Just us 3

What fun activities inside & out do you like to do with your kiddies?