Thursday, October 6, 2011

It never rains it pours

Today has been a torential down pour of crap
There is no other way of saying it.

I have had so many good days that it was inevitable that I would stumble across a pretty shitty day.

And thats ok
I am only human, my situation is nothing new
So Im allowed to have a shitty day
It allows me to wake up tomorrow full of sunshine, rainbows and lollipops.

This situation dosen't come with instructions or rules
It seems to come with alot of expectations from others
But the only expectation I had was we would be civil for the boys sake
and so would the people closest to us

It seems that half of that expectation was a little high
and let me tell you
lesson learnt!

Things are far from perfect between us
we are still arguing and bickering
and thats not what ither of us want
I feel like its just the natural progression of the situation
I just wish other people wouldn't get involved
It makes it worse

Thinking about it now the other expectation I had would be things would remain the same between
certain circles
and I have learnt the hard way that, that too was an expectation that was way too high
Although to me It's nothing I wouldn't have expected if it was someone else in the same situation
But I guess thats just me?

One of the biggest things I've learn't through out this spilt is

I am differnt

The way I have handled things seems to be left of centre for most
The way I think about what has happened is completely differnt to others
The way I see things is not how others see it
The things I know I need seem to be nothing like what other people think I need

I'm undecided on wether being differnt in this situation is a good thing or not
But at the end of the day
I have to ask myself
Do I really want to be, think or feel like everyone else?
Pretty sure Taylor swift is onto something here

Or is staying true to myself the best way to overcome this and come out stronger at the end?
So I guess the answer is pretty clear right?...
I am who I am take it or leave it
I can't and won't change
because there are people out there that really do Love me for me.

I may lose friends, I may lose respect, I may even lose family
But whatever happens, happens I cant change fate
All is not lost thought I will
Find new friends, gain a new found respect from others and become closer to other family

Life Isn't easy and you have to overcome hundreds of obstacles throughout
How you handle them and how you come out of them is what really matters

One day again soon
things will go back to normal I know thats true
Its just trying to wade through all the shit days and focus on the good that is draining
But as Katy Perry says in her song Firework

"If only knew what the future holds
After a hurricane comes a rainbow"

My rainbow is coming...

*image from pinterest
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